Two weeks and a year

David will be a year old in two weeks.

I'm not sure my brain can comprehend this.

This time last year, I was dealing with false labor and anticipation. I was a mess, and absolutely sick to death of pregnancy. Today, I saw a tiny baby (she's about two months) and I wanted to cry because my tiny baby is getting so big! He pulls up, he attempts to climb (just poor at choosing things to climb on), he's thinking about standing and can do it for a moment.

I'm really proud of him. He's a beautiful honey blond. But I miss my teensy dark-haired doll who didn't want to be put down.

I hate finishing

So, my latest project is a baby blanket for a coworker. I love knitting and crocheting, but the "fiddly stuff" - edgings, sewing pieces together - drives me nuts. They take time, they tend to be repetitive and boring, they suck all the fun out of the accomplishment of a project.

Nonetheless, here's the latest

Too busy to think...

I got a new front door today. This sentence does not fully convey the ordeal this has been...

• May 5: First day of our do-stuff-around-the-house vacation. Included multiple trips to Lowe's (that's a whole 'nother rant), one of which included paying to have someone come measure so we could buy a new front door.
• May 9: The guy is late, impacting the rest of our plans for the day, but we get the measurements done.
• May 10: I go to buy the door and pay for the installation. It takes no fewer than 4 people (including one on the phone) to figure out how to pull up the order the dude wrote yesterday so I can pay for it. We should hear from the installer within 2 business days to schedule the installation.
• Dates are fuzzy through the next bit, but it involved a damaged in-stock door that they returned, an installer getting injured in an accident, and a second damaged door that they returned. At no time do I get an update without having to call the store, usually multiple times. Eventually, we're scheduled for an install on May 27 at 5 PM. Colin plans to be home in time for the start.
• May 27: I get home from a meeting around 5:30 and notice there's no extra vehicles around the house and the door looks the same. Apparently at 5:20, they decided to inform us that the door was damaged (again!) and they're trying to get us a new one from another store. They ultimately decide that they will give us 10% off the cost of the door. (Just the door, not the installation or the other work involved. Basically it's 10% off 1/3 the project price.)
• May 30: Reschedule for installation on the 3rd at 5 PM.
• June 3: I get home at 4:45. To the tune of yelling baby, I start prepping his dinner. At 4:50, the guys show up and get to work. Though I was skeptical at a few points, they seem to know what they're doing, and the door gets installed. In the meantime, we discover that my husband and the installer share an ex. Fun times!

So, yeah. Weird-ass day. Too much crap going on to have time to think. 

But hey, I have a new front door with a window I can actually see out of! ... Now I need to paint it....

Clarity

I found out today that I'm not getting something I wanted. Sorry for the vagueness, but it's all work related, so I'm playing it deliberately close to the vest. (Vest, not chest, Harry...that bugged me for the WHOLE BOOK.)

Squirrel!

So anyhow, not getting what I wanted. But in the process, another discussion started, and that one could potentially lead to something even better. Right now, we've got a lot of balls in the air, but today was one small measure of clarity.

I'll take it.

Some days

There are some days where I feel like I might be getting this mom thing under control. It usually means that, within a week, D will be having a major meltdown and I'll be ready to tear out my hair... but I like when I feel like I'm getting it.

A few days ago, I put the little guy in his playpen so we could eat our dinners without having to chase him around the house. I filled my plate and started back to the living room when I noticed he was not only standing in the playpen, he had let go of the sides. I think when the words got out of my mouth, they went something like "ohmigod look look look LOOK!" He stood for a few seconds, grinned at me, then flopped down on his butt. He did it a few more times as we ate (and of course has not repeated since then).

These are the moments I have to remember when he's being recalcitrant about dinner or shrieking because the toy train can't push through the side of the laundry basket.

Waiting some more...

Thought we might be starting again last night, but this morning, all I've got is a sore hip from an awkward sleep position. I know there's a limit to my waiting now. My nurse practitioner thinks I'll go on my own this week, but also said that if she sees me next Friday, we'll be able to pick a date and induce, because my Bishop's score is already high enough that induction would only have a 10% chance of failing. By then, it should be in the near-certainty range.

Today's plan: walking, ironing (which involves standing and walking), maybe building a shelving unit for the closet, vacuuming (more walking). I want to be positive - though that's hard when I've discovered that the line from the Sound of Music ("the sun has gone to bed and so must I") apparently applies to me in the reverse.

6 AM should not be seen by someone who saw 1:30...

Better day?

Apparently I'm flat exhausted. It's not surprising - I'm only sleeping about 2 hours at a stretch, which means even what sleep I get isn't that good. (It's something when you get up and the dogs don't even show interest in going outside because it hasn't been that long.) When I went to the doc today, I admitted that I'm feeling depressed. Don't think I need meds - there's not that much pregnancy left, and I'm not feeling like I'm a danger to myself or others - but I'm just so tired that I'm really struggling with everything else going on. And the disappointment of being sent home from the hospital just capped it off.

Things are continuing to progress, though, which is good, and David looked wonderful on the ultrasound today, even if we couldn't get him to cooperate enough for a good picture. I saw chubby cheeks, and he was trying to grasp his foot (which was up in front of his face - Jill, I keep telling you, he's doing the yoga, too!). Today was a growth profile, and all his bits and pieces looked good. Estimated current weight was 7 lbs. 7 oz., which is bigger than any of my siblings and I at birth - but we were all predictably tiny.

Took a nap when I got home, planning a long walk later before we get dinner. Today is a better day, and the really good day should be coming soon.