Redeeming

Maybe I'm grasping at straws, trying to make sense of the seemingly senseless. But things are starting to make sense. Weird sense, but sense nonetheless. Call it rationalizing if you like. It's working for me.

Eight months ago -- eight months yesterday, in fact -- my fears were confirmed. I had had a miscarriage before even having my first doctor's appointment of the pregnancy. At the time, I wondered why. I won't say this makes it easier to bear, but part of me looks at where I am right now and thinks "okay, I get it."

On June 20th, I applied for a job, something I would not likely have done when roughly 8 months pregnant. I had my first interview for that job last week -- when I could easily have been on maternity leave. This job could be really amazing and do wonderful things for where I want my career to go.

Last week we finished (with the exception of letters of reference) Colin's application to grad school. Another risk we would not likely have taken.

Thank you, God, for pushing me to live the life you've given me, rather than just waiting for the one I think I want. Thank you for, even in a small way, redeeming that experience.

To redeem - to recover ownership of, to restore the honor, worth or reputation of.