I wanted to have a good reason to skip a day. Maybe I could have written about being in labor, but then I'd have had to write the mea culpa today that I only thought I was in labor. Apparently I wasn't. Or not in active labor, anyway. These contractions could continue for the remaining weeks of my term. Not something I pictured.
I guess I have at least identified one variety of "not it." Though things were getting regular and even somewhat frequent yesterday, they only sort of got stronger. There was plenty of discomfort, but no real pain. Even my issues with the exams at the hospital were more about the positional awkwardness and my growing realization that I was wrong about whether it was TIME.
I don't like it. I want to get on with things now and see my son instead of just feeling his hiccups. As I said (in the face of another platitude "baby will get here when HE's ready") earlier today, easy to understand, hard to live through.
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
Discovering the Rest of the World
For the past eight years or so, we haven't had television. Not that we didn't have A TV, we just didn't have cable or satellite, and you really can't get a decent signal around here. But with baby on the way, we know we're not really going to be doing as much out and about as we have in the past.
Today, we got a new satellite system. During setup, the installer had it on NFL Network, and as he tried to show me how some of the menus and such worked, I told him to put it back there - it was better than the daytime dreck on elsewhere. When he left, I had ESPNU running college softball from OKC. Tonight I'm watching the Cardinals (and loving the fact that I can skip the commercials, since we took a walk).
I'll figure out what's on TV later. I've missed live sports, so apparently I'm going to binge. And anyway, to mutilate some George R. R. Martin, Football is Coming...
Today, we got a new satellite system. During setup, the installer had it on NFL Network, and as he tried to show me how some of the menus and such worked, I told him to put it back there - it was better than the daytime dreck on elsewhere. When he left, I had ESPNU running college softball from OKC. Tonight I'm watching the Cardinals (and loving the fact that I can skip the commercials, since we took a walk).
I'll figure out what's on TV later. I've missed live sports, so apparently I'm going to binge. And anyway, to mutilate some George R. R. Martin, Football is Coming...
Monday, June 03, 2013
Rocky Road
No, it's not the ice cream flavor I'm currently consuming. (That would be Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream.)
I'm not particularly good with the whole "patience" thing. I may take a while to make up my mind on something, but once it's made up, I want results yesterday. So the whole gestation thing is frustration #1 at this point. I'm ready, the house is ready, and he's past the arbitrary "safe" line on the calendar. Let's do this thing! But it will probably be a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks where I could easily spend half my time each night sleeping (or trying to) in my recliner because it hurts less than lying on my side in bed. Where I can't even take the shortened version of my walk - I'm down to less than half a mile, I think (I don't really want to recalibrate my pedometer just to confirm something depressing).
The decision from my big meeting today is probably also coming down in "a couple of weeks." That could be some awkward timing, to be sure. Wait and see is apparently THE order of business right now, and it's got me chomping at the bit.
I'm not particularly good with the whole "patience" thing. I may take a while to make up my mind on something, but once it's made up, I want results yesterday. So the whole gestation thing is frustration #1 at this point. I'm ready, the house is ready, and he's past the arbitrary "safe" line on the calendar. Let's do this thing! But it will probably be a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks where I could easily spend half my time each night sleeping (or trying to) in my recliner because it hurts less than lying on my side in bed. Where I can't even take the shortened version of my walk - I'm down to less than half a mile, I think (I don't really want to recalibrate my pedometer just to confirm something depressing).
The decision from my big meeting today is probably also coming down in "a couple of weeks." That could be some awkward timing, to be sure. Wait and see is apparently THE order of business right now, and it's got me chomping at the bit.
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Why the sudden burst of writing?
So, yeah, I probably should have posted this one yesterday, and saved yesterday's for today, but meh.
A friend of mine from grad school and I reconnected on facebook a couple of years ago. We met in a creative writing class - a class which convinced me that I'm not much of a writer, at least not in the genres I prefer to read for pleasure. He's now back in Kansas City (where I grew up) and blogging about roller derby, among other things. And a few years ago he challenged himself (and others) to blog every day for the 30 days of June.
It's like NaNoWriMo on a less frighteningly ambitious scale. No specific goals beyond just writing and posting something every day.
This year, I decided to give it a shot, even though I've got a lot going on that would give me an easy out. That's just the thing - it would be an easy out, but precisely because I've got a lot going on, I think writing about it will help me process all the changes. I want to get back into the habit of writing and develop my voice. I have some things that I have grown passionate about over the last decade-plus, and I think they are ideas which deserve to be heard. So this month is a chance to start fleshing them out.
A friend of mine from grad school and I reconnected on facebook a couple of years ago. We met in a creative writing class - a class which convinced me that I'm not much of a writer, at least not in the genres I prefer to read for pleasure. He's now back in Kansas City (where I grew up) and blogging about roller derby, among other things. And a few years ago he challenged himself (and others) to blog every day for the 30 days of June.
It's like NaNoWriMo on a less frighteningly ambitious scale. No specific goals beyond just writing and posting something every day.
This year, I decided to give it a shot, even though I've got a lot going on that would give me an easy out. That's just the thing - it would be an easy out, but precisely because I've got a lot going on, I think writing about it will help me process all the changes. I want to get back into the habit of writing and develop my voice. I have some things that I have grown passionate about over the last decade-plus, and I think they are ideas which deserve to be heard. So this month is a chance to start fleshing them out.
Saturday, June 01, 2013
Impending
Enormous changes are on the horizon. Today is June 1st, and some time this month, I will go from "childless" to "mom."
The word "impending" keeps coming to mind, which seems unfortunate, since it frequently precedes "doom". I don't mean it that way, but that sense of looming about-to-happen-ness, the inevitability combined with lack of control over timing, combined with the amount of my brain this is taking up.... impending is the only word that seems to fit.
There's a lot going on this weekend and early next week, and they are good and necessary things: barbecuing with friends, preparing for an important meeting on Monday. I really want to see my child, (and I'd be lying if I didn't note that having him would mean the beginning of recovery rather than the prolongation of discomfort) but ultimately, I'd like him to hold off at least a few more days. Tuesday would be fine. Probably until another something gets close enough on my schedule to break through and impend all on its own.
The word "impending" keeps coming to mind, which seems unfortunate, since it frequently precedes "doom". I don't mean it that way, but that sense of looming about-to-happen-ness, the inevitability combined with lack of control over timing, combined with the amount of my brain this is taking up.... impending is the only word that seems to fit.
There's a lot going on this weekend and early next week, and they are good and necessary things: barbecuing with friends, preparing for an important meeting on Monday. I really want to see my child, (and I'd be lying if I didn't note that having him would mean the beginning of recovery rather than the prolongation of discomfort) but ultimately, I'd like him to hold off at least a few more days. Tuesday would be fine. Probably until another something gets close enough on my schedule to break through and impend all on its own.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Magic for the Cure: An Experiment in Generosity
I was raised with a habit of giving back. Many of you likely were as well – we are judges after all, and what does that involve if not giving back to the community which has so richly impacted our lives? For me, it started in 1989 when I was in 6th grade. A 15 year old girl in my hometown was kidnapped and killed. She had played in the same softball league as my sister and I, and my dad had umpired many of her games – our league was one big family, and we were shaken. But that spring, the league pulled together and organized a (now annual) tournament in her memory, with all proceeds going to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children.
Fast forward to 2009. Lurking on the Judge list, I see a post about the Mana Pool charity tournament for local food banks. I think, “I should do something like that.” A few months later, Lloyd Dodson hosts a tournament to benefit HopeLine. This time, I travel out to play in it and think, “I should do something like this.” Then a friend at work is diagnosed with breast cancer, and our office starts organizing a team for the Susan G. Komen race in her honor. And I think, “This is it, this I can do!
The shop I organize tournaments for feels cramped at about 16 players, plus it’s a small community. So I got out my calendar and the events list for a shop 30 miles south of me and found a day when they had no major events booked (they run not just Magic but several miniatures and board game events a week). Luckily for me, it was the Saturday of Labor Day weekend – college students would be back in town and most of the older players with kids wouldn’t probably be going far that weekend either. I talked with the store’s owners and offered to manage the whole of the tournament if they would let me reserve the space for a charity event. They agreed, and I started the wheels turning.
My first email went to several individuals who I knew personally, either from working major events together or shops that I frequented. I shamelessly solicited prize donations and contacts so I could beg for more prizes. I wrote up a more detailed description of what I wanted the tournament to be, and sent it to be posted on the host store’s website as well as the “local events” page run by the nearest large tournament organizer (thank you, Steve and Lloyd!). I sent a similar writeup to the judge list… and then my inbox exploded.
I expected to hear from judges – at least some of the folks I’ve worked with. That I would maybe get a card here or there. I thought if things went well, I’d have enough prizes for my top 8. I quickly realized that I was thinking much too small when I got an email from Nick Sabin telling me to contact Andy Heckt about a personal donation. When Big Jace and Gideon arrived in my mailbox, I really started to believe this was going to be big. By the day before the tournament, I had received over $1000 in donated product – everything from storage/organization boxes to t-shirts to Revised duals and bunches of judge foils.
Twenty-seven players participated. As usual, I was the only girl in the building for most of the tournament. Which made it even more special, honestly. It’s easy for breast cancer to feel very gender-centric, and to see men and boys (my youngest player’s deck was built by his mom!) come out to support us meant a lot. We raised $540, which will go directly to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. This amount puts me over triple my individual goal AND pushed my team well over their initial goal as well.
I had enough prizes that I was able to give everyone something AND go back halfway through the list again. For those curious, the top 8 picks were: Box of M11, Box of M11, Big Jace, From the Vault: Relics, Judge Polluted Delta, Revised Volcanic Island, Revised Badlands, Judge Natural Order.
Thank you again to everyone who helped make this possible – even some of you who contacted me but ended up not making it because of last-minute plan changes. Your encouragement helped make this happen. Your gifts will be remembered.
If you think this is an isolated incident, let me tell you, it is NOT. When I played in Lloyd’s tournament, I was positively euphoric. I heard something similar from Martin, one of the participants this weekend. He told me, “I’m not the greatest player ever. I have three kids, so I’m not going to be. But I love playing charity events, because I’ve done what I came to do the minute I handed you my entry fee. I can relax and have fun in a way I can’t in a more competitive event.” Several players asked me to do this again. And if I can help someone else – just contact me. I’ll see what I can send you.
It’s the least I can do to give back.
Regina Cross is a Level 1 Judge in Moberly, Missouri, and the daughter of a three-year breast cancer survivor.
Fast forward to 2009. Lurking on the Judge list, I see a post about the Mana Pool charity tournament for local food banks. I think, “I should do something like that.” A few months later, Lloyd Dodson hosts a tournament to benefit HopeLine. This time, I travel out to play in it and think, “I should do something like this.” Then a friend at work is diagnosed with breast cancer, and our office starts organizing a team for the Susan G. Komen race in her honor. And I think, “This is it, this I can do!
The shop I organize tournaments for feels cramped at about 16 players, plus it’s a small community. So I got out my calendar and the events list for a shop 30 miles south of me and found a day when they had no major events booked (they run not just Magic but several miniatures and board game events a week). Luckily for me, it was the Saturday of Labor Day weekend – college students would be back in town and most of the older players with kids wouldn’t probably be going far that weekend either. I talked with the store’s owners and offered to manage the whole of the tournament if they would let me reserve the space for a charity event. They agreed, and I started the wheels turning.
My first email went to several individuals who I knew personally, either from working major events together or shops that I frequented. I shamelessly solicited prize donations and contacts so I could beg for more prizes. I wrote up a more detailed description of what I wanted the tournament to be, and sent it to be posted on the host store’s website as well as the “local events” page run by the nearest large tournament organizer (thank you, Steve and Lloyd!). I sent a similar writeup to the judge list… and then my inbox exploded.
I expected to hear from judges – at least some of the folks I’ve worked with. That I would maybe get a card here or there. I thought if things went well, I’d have enough prizes for my top 8. I quickly realized that I was thinking much too small when I got an email from Nick Sabin telling me to contact Andy Heckt about a personal donation. When Big Jace and Gideon arrived in my mailbox, I really started to believe this was going to be big. By the day before the tournament, I had received over $1000 in donated product – everything from storage/organization boxes to t-shirts to Revised duals and bunches of judge foils.
Twenty-seven players participated. As usual, I was the only girl in the building for most of the tournament. Which made it even more special, honestly. It’s easy for breast cancer to feel very gender-centric, and to see men and boys (my youngest player’s deck was built by his mom!) come out to support us meant a lot. We raised $540, which will go directly to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. This amount puts me over triple my individual goal AND pushed my team well over their initial goal as well.
I had enough prizes that I was able to give everyone something AND go back halfway through the list again. For those curious, the top 8 picks were: Box of M11, Box of M11, Big Jace, From the Vault: Relics, Judge Polluted Delta, Revised Volcanic Island, Revised Badlands, Judge Natural Order.
Thank you again to everyone who helped make this possible – even some of you who contacted me but ended up not making it because of last-minute plan changes. Your encouragement helped make this happen. Your gifts will be remembered.
If you think this is an isolated incident, let me tell you, it is NOT. When I played in Lloyd’s tournament, I was positively euphoric. I heard something similar from Martin, one of the participants this weekend. He told me, “I’m not the greatest player ever. I have three kids, so I’m not going to be. But I love playing charity events, because I’ve done what I came to do the minute I handed you my entry fee. I can relax and have fun in a way I can’t in a more competitive event.” Several players asked me to do this again. And if I can help someone else – just contact me. I’ll see what I can send you.
It’s the least I can do to give back.
Regina Cross is a Level 1 Judge in Moberly, Missouri, and the daughter of a three-year breast cancer survivor.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Redeeming
Maybe I'm grasping at straws, trying to make sense of the seemingly senseless. But things are starting to make sense. Weird sense, but sense nonetheless. Call it rationalizing if you like. It's working for me.
Eight months ago -- eight months yesterday, in fact -- my fears were confirmed. I had had a miscarriage before even having my first doctor's appointment of the pregnancy. At the time, I wondered why. I won't say this makes it easier to bear, but part of me looks at where I am right now and thinks "okay, I get it."
On June 20th, I applied for a job, something I would not likely have done when roughly 8 months pregnant. I had my first interview for that job last week -- when I could easily have been on maternity leave. This job could be really amazing and do wonderful things for where I want my career to go.
Last week we finished (with the exception of letters of reference) Colin's application to grad school. Another risk we would not likely have taken.
Thank you, God, for pushing me to live the life you've given me, rather than just waiting for the one I think I want. Thank you for, even in a small way, redeeming that experience.
To redeem - to recover ownership of, to restore the honor, worth or reputation of.
Eight months ago -- eight months yesterday, in fact -- my fears were confirmed. I had had a miscarriage before even having my first doctor's appointment of the pregnancy. At the time, I wondered why. I won't say this makes it easier to bear, but part of me looks at where I am right now and thinks "okay, I get it."
On June 20th, I applied for a job, something I would not likely have done when roughly 8 months pregnant. I had my first interview for that job last week -- when I could easily have been on maternity leave. This job could be really amazing and do wonderful things for where I want my career to go.
Last week we finished (with the exception of letters of reference) Colin's application to grad school. Another risk we would not likely have taken.
Thank you, God, for pushing me to live the life you've given me, rather than just waiting for the one I think I want. Thank you for, even in a small way, redeeming that experience.
To redeem - to recover ownership of, to restore the honor, worth or reputation of.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Magic for the Cure
For those who follow this blog and somehow don't know it, I've been playing Magic: the Gathering for the last 16 years. I'm a Tournament Organizer and DCI-certified Judge, and I really love the community of players. Despite all the horrible slurs against gamers, I have seen, over and over again, people banding together through games to do great things. Sometimes those things are small and personal -- building great friendships, telling amazing stories, pulling off combos that no sane person would attempt. But sometimes, those things are phenomenally huge. I hope this will be one of the latter.
In 2007, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is now one of more than two million survivors in the United States. We owe her early detection and successful treatment to research funded by organizations like Susan G. Komen for the Cure. This year, I will be part of the Columbia, MO Race for the Cure in her honor, and I'm asking my friends in the DCI to help out. To raise funds for my Race for the Cure team, I will be organizing Magic for the Cure, to be held at Valhalla's Gate in Columbia, MO. If you would like to donate toward the prize pool, please contact me at rcross126 (at) gmail (dot) com for shipping information.
Tournament Info
Where: Valhalla's Gate
901 East Nifong, Suite B
Columbia, MO 65201
When: Sept 4, 2010
Registration: 11:00 - 11:25 AM
Tournament begins promptly at 11:30
Entry fee: $20
Format: Standard
Prizes: final list announced at the tournament, but including (as of 9/3/10 - unfortunately some of the promised product did not arrive. If it was yours, I will be emailing you.)--
31st Century Games
A to Z Comics
The Basement
Bernd Buldt
Lloyd Dodson
Feral Events
Steve Ferrell
Andrew Heckt
Meta-Games Unlimited
Jeff Morrow
Ogre's Games (note: Ogre's is having a 1K on Sept 17)
Nick Sabin
Valhalla's Gate
Velocity Games
In 2007, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is now one of more than two million survivors in the United States. We owe her early detection and successful treatment to research funded by organizations like Susan G. Komen for the Cure. This year, I will be part of the Columbia, MO Race for the Cure in her honor, and I'm asking my friends in the DCI to help out. To raise funds for my Race for the Cure team, I will be organizing Magic for the Cure, to be held at Valhalla's Gate in Columbia, MO. If you would like to donate toward the prize pool, please contact me at rcross126 (at) gmail (dot) com for shipping information.
Tournament Info
Where: Valhalla's Gate
901 East Nifong, Suite B
Columbia, MO 65201
When: Sept 4, 2010
Registration: 11:00 - 11:25 AM
Tournament begins promptly at 11:30
Entry fee: $20
Format: Standard
Prizes: final list announced at the tournament, but including (as of 9/3/10 - unfortunately some of the promised product did not arrive. If it was yours, I will be emailing you.)--
- Burning Wish (DCI Judge Foil) x2
- Decree of Justice (DCI Judge Foil)
- Gemstone Mine (DCI Judge Foil)
- Land Tax (DCI Judge Foil)
- Mind's Desire (DCI Judge Foil)
- Natural Order (DCI Judge Foil)
- Phyrexian Dreadnought (DCI Judge Foil) x2
- Polluted Delta (DCI Judge Foil)
- Stifle (DCI Judge Foil)
- Survival of the Fittest (DCI Judge Foil)
- Thawing Glaciers (DCI Judge Foil)
- Cryptic Command (Player Rewards Textless Foil)
- Okina Nightwatch playset (Arena League Foils)
- Giant Growth (FNM Foil)
- Revised Badlands
- Revised Volcanic Island
- Birds of Paradise (M11 Buy-a-Box Promo)
- Day of Judgment (Zendikar Buy-a-Box Promo)
- Vivid Meadow (signed by Rob Alexander)
- Island (signed by Gabriel Nassif)
- Forest (Asian foil promo)
- Liliana's Specter (M11 Game Day Promo) (x10 - these will be split up in some as yet undetermined fashion)
- Gideon Jura
- Jace, the Mind Sculptor
- From the Vault: Relics
- Booster Box of M11 (x2)
- print of Force of Will -- mat and frame by Lloyd Dodson and his wife
- Arena Land Set
- Rise of the Eldrazi longbox with dividers
- 2011 Intro Pack "Breath of Fire"
- Rise of the Eldrazi Intro Pack "Eldrazi Arisen"
- Time Spiral Theme Deck "Fun with Fungus"
- Eventide Theme Deck "Superabundance"
- Time Spiral Theme Deck "Reality Fracture" (Italian)
- Alara Reborn XL t-shirt
- 2010 Core Set XXL t-shirt
- 2011 Core Set XXL t-shirt
- Zendikar XL t-shirt
- 2010 Core Set XL t-shirt
31st Century Games
A to Z Comics
The Basement
Bernd Buldt
Lloyd Dodson
Feral Events
Steve Ferrell
Andrew Heckt
Meta-Games Unlimited
Jeff Morrow
Ogre's Games (note: Ogre's is having a 1K on Sept 17)
Nick Sabin
Valhalla's Gate
Velocity Games
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Arthritis
Yesterday, at age 33, I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis. It explains the problems I've been having with my left hand -- but it still sucks. A lot.
For any of you who may not know me well, or who haven't read this before, let me scan over my hobbies for you:
But I am secure. I am a mighty woman of God. I am clothed with strength and dignity. God has given me security in him, and no diagnosis can take that away.
But I'm still pissed about it.
For any of you who may not know me well, or who haven't read this before, let me scan over my hobbies for you:
- I play cards (regular and Magic: the Gathering)
- I knit, crochet, counted crossstitch
- I type. Lots. I am on the internet pretty much any time I'm not asleep or doing one of the things above.
But I am secure. I am a mighty woman of God. I am clothed with strength and dignity. God has given me security in him, and no diagnosis can take that away.
But I'm still pissed about it.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Revivification
I'm going to try this again... please feel free to read any/all of my previous posts. My last couple of months have been in-sane. But a friend told me:
One moment becomes one minute becomes one hour becomes one day becomes one month becomes one year becomes your testimony.
Someday, I will look back on this time and see why. For now, I've just got to keep walking.
One moment becomes one minute becomes one hour becomes one day becomes one month becomes one year becomes your testimony.
Someday, I will look back on this time and see why. For now, I've just got to keep walking.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Bible Giveaway
For those of you interested, Bible.Logos.com is giving away 72 premium bibles over the next 6 months. We're talking top-of-the-line bindings, study bibles, devotional bibles. Find out more!
Logos Bible Software is celebrating the launch of their new online Bible by giving away 72 ultra-premium print Bibles at a rate of 12 per month for six months. The Bible giveaway is being held at Bible.Logos.com and you can get up to five different entries each month! After you enter, be sure to check out Logos and see how it can revolutionize your Bible study.
Logos Bible Software is celebrating the launch of their new online Bible by giving away 72 ultra-premium print Bibles at a rate of 12 per month for six months. The Bible giveaway is being held at Bible.Logos.com and you can get up to five different entries each month! After you enter, be sure to check out Logos and see how it can revolutionize your Bible study.
Long Time NO Post
Yes, it's been a while. I logged back on and saw that my last post was in March of 2006, where I complained about being unable to get an office job. HA!
In April, I quit my job at McD's and went to Kelly Services. They found me a temp job in Moberly at a leasing company, part of a big conglomerate. Five months later, I started a permanent position as a workflow specialist with one of our software systems. Been there for 3 years now (almost, anyway).
Since then I've changed churches, and started teaching Sunday School. And now I'm back here too. Hopefully I'll post more often.
In April, I quit my job at McD's and went to Kelly Services. They found me a temp job in Moberly at a leasing company, part of a big conglomerate. Five months later, I started a permanent position as a workflow specialist with one of our software systems. Been there for 3 years now (almost, anyway).
Since then I've changed churches, and started teaching Sunday School. And now I'm back here too. Hopefully I'll post more often.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
I Got Mad Office Skillz
The problem is, no one recognizes it. 10 years of college, and in English, but no one seems to believe either 1) I can type (77 wpm, 100% accuracy, as of this morning), or 2) I'm actually interested in clerical work. Gah!! So today I did the application and testing to become a "Kelly girl"--of course, they don't call them that anymore, but still, a temporary office worker.
It's an option. So is staying home and making a baby. We'll see where we go from here.
It's an option. So is staying home and making a baby. We'll see where we go from here.
Psalm 4--Confident Plea for Deliverance from Enemies
Again, a statement of David's surety in God's protection and blessing. In a day where we have explained away so many things, when "trusted" institutions let us down again and again, it is difficult to TRUST God. I really wonder if it was always so hard. All the bits and pieces of knowledge about the world--not even the controversial things like evolution and cosmology, but smaller things like easy electrical power, calculus, fast food, automatic tax withholding, etc. Does removing so many basic worries make it harder to trust God? Is that why the global church grows so dynamically in the developing countries?
Please, Lord, help me to trust in you, to place all my burdens in your hands and not try to bear them on my all-too-narrow shoulders.
Please, Lord, help me to trust in you, to place all my burdens in your hands and not try to bear them on my all-too-narrow shoulders.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Psalm 3--Trust in God under Adversity
A Psalm of David, when he fled from his son Absalom.
Adversity hardly seems an adequate description of David's life at this point. But the extremity of conditions he faced reminds me that my own challenges are not beyond the realms of God's control. After all--imagining infinite power is hard for a finite being. But I can compare "my life now" to "David's life then" adn say that surely God can handle this, too. We don't often rest securely in Jesus' arms the way we should, but this makes it easier.
May my certainty in the power and protection of God grown and shield me form the anxieties the world lays at my doorstep.
Adversity hardly seems an adequate description of David's life at this point. But the extremity of conditions he faced reminds me that my own challenges are not beyond the realms of God's control. After all--imagining infinite power is hard for a finite being. But I can compare "my life now" to "David's life then" adn say that surely God can handle this, too. We don't often rest securely in Jesus' arms the way we should, but this makes it easier.
May my certainty in the power and protection of God grown and shield me form the anxieties the world lays at my doorstep.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Psalm 2--God's Anointed is Established as Ruler over the Nations
Our Lord is the ultimate power--he is the one who places men and women in authority and gives them power, nomatter how much they think they are self-made or self-important. I noticed the phrase "today I have begotten you." My bible (The HarperCollins Study Bible, NRSV) notes that the phrase was part of the adoption of kings, whereby they are made God's sons. But it also points back and ahead to the King of Kings, eternally begotten of the Father, who alone can embody the chronological paradox (at least in English) of "today I have begotten you."
Today may I have the humility to bow before the authorities set over me and so be conformed to the character of Christ, who died for my sins.
Today may I have the humility to bow before the authorities set over me and so be conformed to the character of Christ, who died for my sins.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Am I Dreaming?
A dream job opened up yesterday, and I found out about it.
Okay, maybe it's not my ultimate dream job--which would basically involve doing nothing and getting paid ridiculous amounts of money.
But anyhow, A dream job. Back at my former university, working with several people I already know and like. Secretarial, desk job kinda stuff. With writing. And web development. No fries, deck scrubbing brushes, or screaming three year olds (at least, most of the time). So, I started working on my application, and discovered it needed three letters of recommendation.
Step one--email former advisor who now serves in the same office where this job is located. Attach resume. Nearly forget to hit send as I've already started step two.
Step two--look up chat buddy list (have I mentioned how much I adore Trillian?) and find my pal Jen who was a grad student with me at this university and whose husband still teaches there. Chat with her about letter, realize I haven't sent the email to advisor, click send. Get assurance she will write for me.
Step three--figure out which of about six people I want to write letter three. I put this on hold.
Step four--start filling out four page job application.
Meanwhile, Trillian tells me I have an email from the former advisor. He tells me that, not only is he willing to recommend me, he's already done so, having hand-delivered said letter about five minutes before this email...
Needless to say, the rest of the day I spent floating on a cloud. Hopefully this will come out well. Pray for me, readers! By the way, did get the third letter thing figured out, so no worries.
Okay, maybe it's not my ultimate dream job--which would basically involve doing nothing and getting paid ridiculous amounts of money.
But anyhow, A dream job. Back at my former university, working with several people I already know and like. Secretarial, desk job kinda stuff. With writing. And web development. No fries, deck scrubbing brushes, or screaming three year olds (at least, most of the time). So, I started working on my application, and discovered it needed three letters of recommendation.
Step one--email former advisor who now serves in the same office where this job is located. Attach resume. Nearly forget to hit send as I've already started step two.
Step two--look up chat buddy list (have I mentioned how much I adore Trillian?) and find my pal Jen who was a grad student with me at this university and whose husband still teaches there. Chat with her about letter, realize I haven't sent the email to advisor, click send. Get assurance she will write for me.
Step three--figure out which of about six people I want to write letter three. I put this on hold.
Step four--start filling out four page job application.
Meanwhile, Trillian tells me I have an email from the former advisor. He tells me that, not only is he willing to recommend me, he's already done so, having hand-delivered said letter about five minutes before this email...
Needless to say, the rest of the day I spent floating on a cloud. Hopefully this will come out well. Pray for me, readers! By the way, did get the third letter thing figured out, so no worries.
Psalm 1--The Two Ways
As I read this psalm (see Bible.com for text), I'm thinking of a discussion a while back on The Bible Answer Man broadcast, especially concerning the teaching by Joel Osteen that has become so widespread. I think this psalm was briefly alluded to as one used by Osteen, and if so, I think he's using it wrongly. Here, the righteous prosper because their delight and meditation center on God's law--his word, his teachings. I don't recall scripture ever promising wealth--it warns, in fact, against the ways in which wealth can become a stumbling block. And wealth is not, I think, the measure of the prosperity referred to here. While it can mean financial success, the Latin base of the English word "prosperity" translates "to render fortunate." The alternative meaning is "to thrive."
This day, may I focus on thriving by and in my relationship with Jesus. May he protect and guide me away from the way of the wicked, which will perish. I give my financial successes over to him, that I may prosper more in knowing and doing the will of God.
This day, may I focus on thriving by and in my relationship with Jesus. May he protect and guide me away from the way of the wicked, which will perish. I give my financial successes over to him, that I may prosper more in knowing and doing the will of God.
Friday, March 17, 2006
New Project
Okay, so I haven't been blogging a lot lately, but I have been writing. I'm not sure if I'm journaling for myself or if I want to turn this into a book someday, so I'll start by posting things here and see what people think. Please! Give me some feedback on these things...
By way of explanation: I am trying to establish a more regular prayer life, and I'm uncomfortable with the gimme-gimme-I-want-a-pony kind of prayers that seem little more than a visit to a mall Santa. I have also found that my study of the Bible is helped when I slow down! Unfortunately, I read VERY quickly... so I've found that copying out the text helps me focus. I've copied all four gospels, and it really gave me some new insights. My current project is the Psalms, in order to help develop the habit of prayer. I got the idea from Eugene Peterson's introduction to the Psalms in his modern paraphrase of the Bible, The Message. To explain the connection, let me quote a passage from his introduction here:
By way of explanation: I am trying to establish a more regular prayer life, and I'm uncomfortable with the gimme-gimme-I-want-a-pony kind of prayers that seem little more than a visit to a mall Santa. I have also found that my study of the Bible is helped when I slow down! Unfortunately, I read VERY quickly... so I've found that copying out the text helps me focus. I've copied all four gospels, and it really gave me some new insights. My current project is the Psalms, in order to help develop the habit of prayer. I got the idea from Eugene Peterson's introduction to the Psalms in his modern paraphrase of the Bible, The Message. To explain the connection, let me quote a passage from his introduction here:
So, what I've done in my journal is to copy each psalm (33 so far) by hand, and then to write a response to it. For the sake of not abusing copyright law more than I already have with that extended quote, I'm not going to copy the psalms themselves on the blog, but I will post my responses. I urge you to go look the psalms themselves up (preferably in a good modern translation). I'm using the NRSV in my copying, but there are a lot of good options out there. If you want help finding one, let me know. Of course, the King James Version of 1611 is available through Project Gutenberg, but while its language is majestic, its translation leaves something to be desired.Faced with the prospect of conversation with a holy God who speaks worlds into being, it is not surprising that we have trouble. We feel awkward and out of place: "I'm not good enough for this. I'll wait until I clean up my act and prove that I am a decent person." Or we excuse ourselves on the grounds that our vocabulary is inadequate: "Give me a few months--or years!--to practice prayers that are polished enough for such a sacred meeting. Then I won't feel so stuttery and ill at ease."
My usual response when presented with these difficulties is to put the Psalms in a person's hand and say, "Go home and pray these. You've got wrong ideas about prayer; the praying you find in these Psalms will dispel the wrong ideas and introduce you to the real thing." A common respnse of those who do what I ask is surprise--they don't expect this
kind of thing in the Bible. And then I express surprise at their surprise: "Did you think these would be the prayers of nice people? Did you think the psalmists' language would be polished and polite?"
Monday, March 06, 2006
Saying Goodbye
My great-aunt Max died of Alzheimer's a little over a week ago. Months ago, I said I would give her eulogy, because I wanted it done right, by someone who knew her, and Max was pretty much a family-only person. I wanted to post the eulogy for my family members, and I figured I'd better give a key as well for those of my readers who aren't part of the family. Max is the great-aunt, my grandmother's older sister who never married. At some point when my mom was a kid, she moved to the city and lived with my grandparents, and after their divorce, with Gran. Gran is, somewhat obviously, my grandmother. McGregor was Max's dog for the first 14 years of my life. Dan is my cousin, now almost 15. Adam is the youngest of my cousins...now 4. So here's what I had to say:
How do you say goodbye to someone you’ve loved forever?
Max taught me so many things--how to knit, 3 different games of solitaire, how to do puzzles, crosswords, word searches. Some of my earliest memories have Max at least in the background. When I was little, and stayed with Gran nearly every Friday night, I slept in Max’s bed, with her and usually with McGregor. And every time, she would tell me bedtime stories. She was the recorder, the witness, the historian of this family for so long, that her stories were better than books, because I knew almost all the people in them. Even when I didn’t know the characters, I was still connected to them.
Max didn’t have it easy. She told Dan once, “I don’t know how to play, like most kids do.” She was in charge of her siblings, and I get the impression they were a handful. By the time I knew her, she was relatively quiet (at least for this bunch), and patient with us kids, even if she could be pretty imperious with the adults at times. She looked out for us, all the way down to little Adam. Living with Max can’t have always been easy. I know she got in the middle of things, and she said what she thought whether it was politic or not. But I think she meant it for the best. I think she wanted to protect us kids from having to grow up too soon. She wanted to make sure we were able to play and be kids in all those ways she didn’t know how.
I won’t talk about what the Alzheimer’s did to her, because today is not supposed to be about grief. Today is a celebration of victory over the enemy--over death. The night Max died, I emailed my bosses and my pastor to let them know what had happened. But I just can’t send an email without a subject line, and I probably spent as long on that as I did the entire message. I finally settled on “A Christian goes home.” For today is a memory of a life that touched ours all too briefly, and a celebration of her homecoming to the Lord.
And so I close with the words Paul wrote to the church at Thessalonika:
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call and with the sound of God’s trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, NRSV)
How do you say goodbye to someone you’ve loved forever?
Max taught me so many things--how to knit, 3 different games of solitaire, how to do puzzles, crosswords, word searches. Some of my earliest memories have Max at least in the background. When I was little, and stayed with Gran nearly every Friday night, I slept in Max’s bed, with her and usually with McGregor. And every time, she would tell me bedtime stories. She was the recorder, the witness, the historian of this family for so long, that her stories were better than books, because I knew almost all the people in them. Even when I didn’t know the characters, I was still connected to them.
Max didn’t have it easy. She told Dan once, “I don’t know how to play, like most kids do.” She was in charge of her siblings, and I get the impression they were a handful. By the time I knew her, she was relatively quiet (at least for this bunch), and patient with us kids, even if she could be pretty imperious with the adults at times. She looked out for us, all the way down to little Adam. Living with Max can’t have always been easy. I know she got in the middle of things, and she said what she thought whether it was politic or not. But I think she meant it for the best. I think she wanted to protect us kids from having to grow up too soon. She wanted to make sure we were able to play and be kids in all those ways she didn’t know how.
I won’t talk about what the Alzheimer’s did to her, because today is not supposed to be about grief. Today is a celebration of victory over the enemy--over death. The night Max died, I emailed my bosses and my pastor to let them know what had happened. But I just can’t send an email without a subject line, and I probably spent as long on that as I did the entire message. I finally settled on “A Christian goes home.” For today is a memory of a life that touched ours all too briefly, and a celebration of her homecoming to the Lord.
And so I close with the words Paul wrote to the church at Thessalonika:
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call and with the sound of God’s trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, NRSV)
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